Liar, liar… your pants on fire!
I’ve been contemplating the empty promises that people make. Do we all do that?
Here are some examples of empty promises that I’ve heard:
Oh, you must come for dinner at the Indian restaurant! It’s really good!
Hey, let’s have lunch some time!
We should do coffee next week!
You’ve got them. I’ve got them. We all feel so excited to have an invite that we forget to notice what is NOT included in the invitation. Can you see what’s missing…?
Commitment
… to a particular time/place/date! That’s what makes an empty promise evident upfront. The issuer of the empty promise is being non-specific, in other words you are dealing with someone who can’t or doesn’t want to commit. But they want the ‘face’ that goes with a big invite! So hello, empty promise! Please, come in!
Why do they do that?
Why? It’s only a guess… but it could be that ‘something better will come up!’ or that they are trying to get out of a current awkward situation. It could be that they appreciate the ‘big gesture’ or that they want to see your reaction.
There are likely multiple motivations in making such an empty gesture and what is offered as an excuse is covering the truth. I honestly don’t know because situations vary.
Consequences of the Empty Promise
The problem with the empty promise is that ultimately the person issuing it is caught with their pants down, if the invited person calls them on it. In other words, the inviter is ‘bluffing’, they’re making an insincere invitation that they may have had no intention on following through on, or that they later find inconvenient.
The Empty Promiser | Psychology Today
I reflected on empty promises made in my life. From the time that my parents promised to buy me a TV (though I never got one) or send me to Dollar Academy (that turns out to be a godsend) or let me go to Poland. I didn’t get any of those. Unfortunately, my family environment had an empty promiser that used to promise the world, but could never deliver.
I have resolved not to make them of other people. If I say I’ll do something, I will endeavor to do it. And I guess that’s what I still feel today: I still deal with the disappointment, the forever ‘waiting’ for the promise that has been repeatedly made, … it hurts.
Distrust grows as the seed of resentment grows. Ultimately, empty promises mean that the relationship becomes undermined as a positive experience. Don’t do this to your family and friends! Really… the only person it really undermines is YOU. In other words,
DON’T GET CAUGHT WITH YOUR PANTS DOWN!